Quick Reflections

Kenneth has this vibrant, happy and active personality. Eversince birth, he is upbeat and curious, but never naughty. Well, I started to observe Ken a little bit closer lately. He is just amazing. Ken can locate my ringing cell phone that is in my bag, across the room, in time before voice mail kicks in. Last month, he picked up one dead worm from the garden, briefly examined it, and proudly gave it a shrieking me. All cabinet safety locks were useless after 4 days of "professional" installation. On and on, a proud mama I am.

Kenneth’s enthusiasm for phones, locked doors and outdoor critters are surefire indicators of an intelligent kid, according to a few biased "experts". My Dad is convinced that Ken will go to West Point. Celso disagrees, as Ken will go to Harvard.

Will go, will be: my greatest fears growing up.

Admittedly, I was blessed with some decent IQ at birth. Unfortunately, as soon as I have shown relatives and a bunch of teachers that I have some smarts, they started to EXPECT things. That I will go Phil Sci and Princeton. That I will become a great scientist or a doctor someday. Further, around Kalibo, I have to be socially acceptable and morally right at all times.

Funny, none of it turned out right. I was loud, audacious and mataray.  I never won a single Model Religious Student award. I was sent to the Ms Malilay’s office twice for talking back at a visiting priest. I was not wild, just living the life of a child with friends. Then my grades became inconsistent. Every year, my Mom gets confused on what color of medal I receive. A red or gold perhaps, the coveted First Honors? Or an okay green/ yellow/blue ribbon as an nth honor?

Well, being smart gives you a lot of perks, I may say. Proven intelligence (such as medals or the Quiz Bee titles) compensates for a lot of things. Unwanted traits, such as being ugly, poor or socially inept, are magically forgotten. With some luck, you go to a good school on a scholarship; given a break, you get good jobs. Odds for marriage are higher, too. Like I said, I am lucky, and I am blessed with what looks like such a sharp kid, so I am not complaining. I am just worried.

Let’s face it, it takes more than a God-given brains to be successful. For one, a child needs a safe environment: how many talented kids are wasted due to parents who are alcoholics, womanizers, negligent or physically abusive?  Then, you have to have money. Serious money that can send you to the best schools outside Aklan, get private tutors and hire a yaya separately from the maids. (Flashback: How come my chores include feeding the dogs, chickens and pigs … when we dont live on a farm???). Money can also buy you more than one pair of shoes, three pairs of uniform, Game & Watch (Turtle Bridge or Octopus preferred), a fancy bag, and non-recycled artista notebook from last year’s. You also need to have an encyclopedia, a typewriter, and in case of week-long brown-outs, a kerosene lamp. A king-ki doesn’t provide you with adequate lighting and it is a fire hazard anyway.

I wish I had all of these resources back then. Then I would have been a consistent first honors, a UP student who graduated on time, a PhD degree holder rather than a MA. Well, it doesn’t matter now, for I am still happy with my accomplishments, both professionally and personally. What am I now is molded by my past, a very simple past, that I need to completely embrace. I may not have those opportunities back then, but I am now in the U.S. that offers so much for me and my family.

I cannot join my father’s or my husband’s enthusiam for Kenneth’s future, yet. For me, it is not fair planning for someone else’s extremely distant future.  Because I lived that childhood full of expectations. I turned from a sharp 5-year-old kid into a confused, scared and insecure 10-year-old child.

Well, I said it myself, Ken’s college education is still a distant future. For now, I need to aggressively teach Kenneth that Celso’s precious surround sound is not a symphonic remote-controlled, high-blasting show.