Quick Reflections

Last week, a friend who happens to be gay, poured his heart out to me. His boylet stopped calling. Although I had a hunch what happened and I believe my friend really knew what went wrong, we had difficulty explaining (conceptualizing) what transpired.

Until I remembered a social phenomenon a few years back when I worked with 10-year old girl with Down syndrome I’ll call Millie. When asked who her friends were, Millie told us that her ‘friends’ were her teacher, the case manager, the bus driver, her nurse, her social worker, and her pediatrician.

Bad answer, at least for psychologists.

Paid relationship, by definition, is when one person is financially compensated for having a relation with another person.

In Millie’s case, I was paid to be involved. Since I cannot be ‘friends’ with her (dual relationship ek-ek), I did the job I was paid to do: develop a social skills program. My goal was to minimize her paid relationships and hoping that someday Millie may develop sincere friendships with kids her age.

Life revolves around money. We work for money. And people see you differently if you are valued in dollars ($$-$$). Pesos stink.

Well, the good news is, my gay friend’s solution to the problem is so straightforward. All he needed was to produce money in order to keep the relationship.

Personally, I got no problem with people who scammed me. Oh yes, I was taken advantage of: $1400 vacuum cleaner from a door-to-door salesman, $450 for my wedding video that was never produced, etc-etc. And before I can formally say goodbye to my hard-earned money, these scumbags ran off within 10 minutes of the deal. Forever. No return, no exchange. No refund, no customer service. Gosh, too painful to even admit I was screwed.

I am a cautious woman who had no intentions to making stupid financial decisions. But I make mistakes. I have to remember that I am an adult and I need to take full responsibilities for my actions. At least I can put a money value on this so-called scam. All I have to do is to earn the money back, penny by penny. My pride was hurt, but life goes on.

I am so sorry my friend has to slowly digest this money-related-relationship reality. He has every right to be angry, needy, paranoid and depressed.

He only asked to be loved by his boylet.

Love ya, my friend, wherever you are now. Sorry I can’t do anything more.

P.S.

Random thought… Made me think of my family and friends who had accepted me unconditionally. Despite of my 5 ka’s: ka-tarayan, ka-tapangan, ka-prangkahan, ka-baduy-an at ka-tangahan. You guys know who you are. It has always been hard to be true to yourself. Thanks for the friendship.